This Saturday, we have a short piece from Emily who is experimenting with some characters! She is thinking about turning this excerpt into a novel, and so she would love some insights on her characters. Also she is looking to improve her writing style, so any comments on her voice and improving her writing would be great! Since she is going to build on this excerpt, I am guessing that grammar and spelling critiques would not be as helpful, so please avoid those.
Before I put up her excerpt, here is a bit of information that Emily provided about her story world. The story takes place at the border between two fantasy nations of her creation: Ellorian and Morna, and the main characters are two border sentries from Morna who have been friends for a while. Though she hasn’t figure out the time periods of her world, yet, the story takes place in the typical Medieval fantasy setting (think Lord of the Rings or The Princess Bride.)
“I tell you Nigel, this tunic is downright itchy!” the defenseless bit of cloth in question was a bright red tunic he had swiped from some poor solders tent as he and his friend had fled the Ellorian encampment.
Nigel turned slightly in his saddle to see his friend Egor miserably scratching any part of himself he could reach. His horse had taken advantage of no reins to snatch a bite to eat from the sparse grass that grew between the rocky soil.
“How on earth those Ellorian solders stand to wear this scratchy stuff is beyond me!” Egor continued to complain as he tried to get to that impossible place to reach on his back.
Nigel struggled to keep a straight face but a smile tugged at his lips at the spectacle his friend made.
“I think it has less to do with the tunic and more to do with that itching weed you ran through.” he replied
Egor froze mid-scratch and stared horrified at Nigel.
“Yes, you know that bristly weed I told you not to touch.”
Egor clearly remembered getting smacked across the bare chest with something…..rather bristly feeling.
“I was running for my life” Egor said defensively “I wasn’t exactly thinking of much else.”
Nigel grinned and shrugged non to sympathetically. Egor looked so miserable that he almost felt sorry for leading him through that weed. However he thought of how they had ended up being held prisoner in the first place and thought better of it. He did not dwell on it long as his mind was focused on what he had overheard while being held prisoner. Perhaps being caught had been a good thing…well unless you’re a border sentry then it could be rather embarrassing. Nigel frowned in thought, war was on the horizon.
Egor glared at his friends back. Sure it was his fault for sneezing at the worst of times, which was how they ended up in the enemies camp in the first place, but he was sure Nigel did not warn him about the weed. In fact he was quite sure of it.