Today, we have a fantasy piece about two soldiers. The author, Sami P., has a simple question for us to answer: Would we keep reading? However, she also mentioned that she would appreciate it if we brought up any other mistakes or errors that we find. It is nice to find someone so excited about having their precious story be torn apart!
Thank you for taking the time to make a few comments on her piece. Even short, simply comments are very helpful.
The current queue for Open Pen is as follows:
- Jane Blake
- Elizabeth Dearman
If you would like to submit a piece of writing to be critique, you can read the rules and submit on the Open Pen page.
Dragon Rising Coffee by Sami P.
“Rise and shine sleepyhead!” Flynn sang cheerfully. His yellow hair turned golden in the firelight of the inn as Levi rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and yawned. He stretched.
“What time is it?” The soldier asked. Flynn glanced out the window as weak sunlight filtered in.
“Um…about midday I think.” He said slowly.
“MIDDAY?!” Levi groaned and slumped back in his chair. “And I thought I was going to live a long life.” His partner sighed.
“Don’t worry, there’s still hope for you, you drama queen.” Flynn grabbed a mug full of something from the innkeeper and handed him two coins. He then walked back over to Levi.”Who knows, our ‘fine’ captain might be in a good mood today.”
Levi snorted. “With my luck, she’ll have turned into a dragon.” Flynn laughed.
“She already is a dragon!” He noisily set down a tankard in front of Levi, brown liquid sloshing over the sides and onto the table.
“What’s that?” Levi said, staring at it cautiously. Flynn pushed it towards him.
“Something fresh from the market. Try it, it’ll wake you up.” Flynn said. His partner eyed it suspiciously.
“Well, if you say so…” Flynn did his best to hide a grin as he watched Levi gulp it down. He gagged, and quickly spat it out.
“What’s in there? Poison?!” He said, spitting and hacking like a cat with a hairball. Flynn burst out laughing.
“The traders call it coffee,” He finally said, tears in his blue eyes from laughing so hard. “But I think your definition suits that vile drink.”
Despite himself, Levi smiled. “At least we agree on something for once-”
“HADVAR!” Captain Lenora’s voice cut through the inn. “Get over here now!” The soldier winced.
“Make that two things we agree on.” Levi got up, running his hand through his hand. “Wish me luck!”
“MOVE IT SOLDIER!!” She roared. Levi ran out the door.
“Yes sir! I-I mean ma’am!” Flynn heard him say.
“Good luck friend.” He got up and slowly walked out of the tavern, wincing at the pain in his leg. “You’re gonna need it.”